NW Jersey News

We're so proud of you, Sarah! #faceofrecovery #sarahsstory 

To me, recovery isn’t a simple word. Recovery to me means hard work, commitment, showing up, doing the hard work, and uncomfortable things. 

Recovery is a lifelong process but recovery is so worth it. In the beginning, everything was overwhelming. The thoughts. The feelings all flood at you like a huge wave in the ocean. 

I almost gave up so many times. Hell, I did quit. I had to want to change my life. As the water comes towards you, the first instinct is to run, fear. 

Trying to move but not actually going anywhere. I wanted to run, my fear was real, but thankfully because I was stuck I had to react, take things one at a time, you go with the flow of the water. Learning to go with the flow and realizing everything will be okay. 

The wave starts to rise, and it does so very fast. To me, that was all my feelings. I hadn’t had an actual feeling in a very long time. I didn’t know what to do. So I stuck it out as if floating on top of the wave. 

After realizing that you are halfway through, over the wave, it was damn rough, but then you look back and feel joy. 

To be proud of me is the best feeling I have ever had.  To come so far, dealing with the detox, then the overwhelming feelings. start working through them and actually sit with each instinct as it flows through my body without taking a drink or a drug.  

To sit there knowing if I just breathe and tell myself, “Sarah, you will be okay”. I haven’t dealt with my feelings since I was 15. I am now 28. I wouldn’t say I am okay with feeling uncomfortable - like I want to crawl out of my skin.  I know that feeling, but the difference is, after so many times of feeling like that, each time it gets easier.

I use to laugh when people told me recovery is worth it and it will get better. I always thought, yeah, right. But honestly, after being clean for several months and doing the best I can, and showing up when needed, I actually pick up the phone now. 

I know I have a long way to go - I wouldn’t have life any other way. My struggles and life battles made me who I am today. A strong woman, a HAPPY woman one day at a time.

Original source can be found here.